Self Compassion and boundaries.

Hey there!

{With what’s been going on in the world, and all of our personal struggles, it could be helpful to share our processes for the very human beings who may feel alone, and whom desperately need to know…you are not alone. I feel alone at times, I feel incredibly messy often, but what I am still grasping is, God is bigger than my messes, no matter how big they are. God’s bigger. And as I am being empowered by the Holy Spirit, wisdom and grace, I shall empower whomever may need it. We are here for a purpose. Every caterpillar wiggles her way out to discover breakthrough and freedom.
After visions of butterflies and a typewriter, while contemplating the bulk of this private post, I’m now sharing. As I wrote it, two butterflies graced me with their freedom bringing presence.
I wrote last week for processing pain, a deep sense in my body that something was different, and visions, where the very next day after writing it all, my family and I experienced a re-opened, minute by minute decision making trauma. Which is too painful for me to share here, now. And to honor everyone involved, I won’t go into the details. I can say, the next day required extra love, grace, wisdom, prayers, boundaries, and compassion, which is what this is mostly about. And I recognize, God prepared us with the visions he gave me written below, to have boundaries, and to give the Holy Spirit the pain.
And I add now, the acknowledgement of the horrific injustice of the precious life of George Floyd. It is time to speak up for justice. And love, not hate. This requires much much inner healing, wisdom, conversations, and better friends to say the least. All things are possible through Christ.}

Self compassion is such a key in ones healing. In my prayer time this morning I was reminded. And since it’s mental health awareness month combined with quarantine, I don’t know about you, but I just so happen to be experiencing, challenges.

When thinking of a step I believe God is asking me to do, fears bubbled up as visions paralleled. I share to help those who may need it like I did.

The fears of not being understood, and rejected, and possibly humiliated, as I step into the unknown to partner with these visions. How could I do another thing, when I have been told many times (by broken people I now know) who were stuck in their own exalted ways, things like, ‘your opinion doesn’t matter’, and ‘you don’t make sense.‘ This is enemy language. And so I release it here now, to help those torn apart by words. Know where the words are coming from. And do all you can to let them bounce off!!! 1,000 exclamation points. The latter one was specifically from a college teacher, on the subject I’ve been having visions to partner with God on, hence the fear. Both statements were spoken by teachers, humiliating me on site. Leaving me abandoned, and rejected. I did not know the loving ways of God either, except a strong feeling in my heart that would have turned into justice and resilience, had I known my identity. But what I knew of myself then, who was trying to build after being broken, was shattered. My voice was silenced. Complete distrust began with these types of leaders. As my own insecurity and self protection reigned.

The fact is, as I began to surround myself by kinder, smarter, out of the box thinking people grounded in the truth, much was broken in the right way, and the me was encouraged. And so I will believe what God says, the good and the truth, and the empowering.

Boundaries are important, boundaries built with God. Not hate. It’s important to find and see the difference in order to truly make a difference. If it’s through hate, aren’t we mirroring the same cycle. I’ve tried that way in response, and that’s not life bringing. It’s the opposite. And we have the power to choose, especially once we know.

Apologies and repentance are important, and then true change, pressing forward. Self compassion is key in this, and is absolutely vital for freedom. Self compassion begins the undoing, rather then creating another cycle of shame.

The truth sets you free, and there is no truth without love. Otherwise it’s religion and politics that creates division. Division feel like crap. So how do we cope, or better yet, get stronger. Build healthy walls with the love of God. The walls can zoom down with people who love, honor, and respect. Or when God asks us to go outside our comfort zone, like with me lately.

So, that vision. As I began to feel fear, I saw a picture of a wheel chair, trying to be pulled, and yanked out of my heart, by others. And it kept kinking whenever the metal turned. Then, the Holy Spirit filled me up with divine medicine, and simply pulled the wheel chair out of my heart. I felt my body infused with peaceful, buzzing power.

Tears broke.

My body shrunk, as what I’ve known to be true. And oh how important it is to have an encounter with God, not man trying to force pain out of those who struggle!!! That is not the way! Shame sucks, it doesn’t give but yet another circle of protective silence, for the ones who’s voices are rejected anyway. When God, and therapy, and speaking up is the only way out or up.

The wheelchair in my heart didn’t just get there. It took time, abuse, and lack of honor and truth to build. An encounter of God was the way to my open, healed whole heart. Out of love. Not out of religion. Not out of constant rigid rules. Not out of contempt. Not out of being right. When it’s about being right, love leaves the window. Those whose hearts have been abused and broken, how easily it can be broken again. And eventually perhaps stuck, with very necessary protective walls.

I then had a vision as I was encouraged to ride the chair, seeing myself smile, knowing the smile was my choice, nobody elses. Indifference from others who don’t know me were there regardless.

So dear one, go ahead with that long stare, or a much needed deep cry. Or dancing tantrums! Those feelings are not from nowhere. And God validates us right where we’re at, opening His door for us to process, exchange, and find freedom.

Or possibly convicts us, which is a huge difference from guilt from man. God convicts us out of love and for transformation. It comes from God, not man. God can use man, so we must be aware when what we or the human mouthpiece is saying, whether it’s coming from God, man, or an enemy. We get to pick up our own crosses, or stay frozen and let others drive us. And so, I write this as I write through the journey. Today I went for a drive and asked God to remove the lies. It’s a wonderful undoing. And it’s a process. No more covering up the truth, but when being covered by God. Write your way out, or whatever it is that’s in your heart to break you free. Like dancing, singing, you know that pure thing the Holy Spirit has been highlighting lately.

When I see my friend, or a stranger in a wheel chair, I have the choice to offer prayer, say hello, keep moving, ask questions, and or converse—like with all human beings. Only the possible hardship is visible on the outside. With the heart, it doesn’t always feel like automatic love or peace on the outside, which then most people don’t give compassion, in fact often it’s indifference and judgement, or validated self protection. The outside effects of brokenness are sometimes seen, but only truly known by the individual, or those who’ve walked through it, or whom know the real God of love and are moved with compassion. Either way, seeing the human being more then the metal is a must. Love and compassion for every human, is a must. And with all relationships, boundaries are necessary.

Anyway, we humans, that have been deeply broken and wronged, have all of Heavens yes to have compassion on ourselves. That’s where it begins. And by that somehow we begin to have compassion, even on those who have done wrong. It is an encounter with Christ, that makes this possible. With Christ, all things are possible. With Him, we learn to carry our cross, to live out complete healthy whole lives no matter how others have treated us and will treat us. Knowing and experiencing rejection, and then believing God is bigger than anything, and that he’s right there ready to carry us as we process. Ask for medicine from Christ. And He will lift the burden, parting the way for us to live in freedom. Freedom is on the inside. Encountering God makes everything possible. From frozen to free.

P.s., yesterday I wrote the above for personal therapy and processing, after seeing a picture of walls as tall as the trees and my hand with a pen highlighted. I knew it was God encouraging me to write. What I didn’t know, was that He was preparing me with this message for what we endured today that required healthy boundaries. It’s taken me over ten years to learn about these boundaries, and we got to practice them again. That’s another story I pray to God is over, with real healthy remaining change. So sometimes walls are necessary, and sometimes they’re necessary to tear down. The decision needs to have inner freedom for the whole as the result.

Freedom for all!

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