I find my daughter saying this after I answer her every time she asks me a question. It’s hysterical and certainly makes me laugh.

Well, I’ve been contemplating in my buzzing brain lately that I haven’t written lately. And suddenly, I didn’t ask popped in my mind. Warning, I’m in a feisty mood.

I recently changed the profile photo on my Facebook. And I could almost hear this comment repeating before any words arrived…you look tired.

What I really want to say is, I didn’t ask.

I’m not offended. But i truthfully think in my heart that it’s a negative and not thoughtful, even if those were the intentions. It translates as a negative.

I also need to note here, that the feedback I got on the pic was the opposite of what I imagined. However, writing about it here has helped me breakthrough somehow. and realizing that, points something out to me which is good that I notice. Hey yay, path to healing. Thank you Holy Spirit.

How do people know these things unless someone says something…as far as what would be a negative comment. Perhaps that’s perspective, and I can only share how I feel about this from my own experiences.

So, as if I am teaching my daughter, I am teaching or perhaps relating to someone lovely, because I care. I care about you.

I put my shoes next to my door in my bedroom, and my daughter said they’re ugly. I realize now the proper response should have been, I DIDN’T ASK! (More on how I really responded in perhaps another post or tv show.) although I admit now I immediately asked her if she knew that this is not how you speak to people. She certainly let me know that she thinks I can’t take a joke. And I’ll say it here again, it’s not funny if you’re putting someone down.

You should watch that double chin. I didn’t ask.

You’re opinion doesn’t matter. I didn’t ask.

When women get older, blah blah blah. I didn’t ask.

You’re too fat to be a dancer. I didn’t ask.

Why is she prettier than you. I didn’t ask.

I didn’t ask for any of these disempowering and degrading responses that people really said to me. People that I’ve loved and even family that’s close. I didn’t ask.

Nor do I always know how to respond but perhaps in immediate frustration, or a chuckle of embarrassment before I cry in the car. And reject and renounce all that crap!!!

Truth is I’ve let many walls creep up with many human beings, when we the people are made to be windows!!! (Thank you Holy Spirit) although boundaries indeed are necessary. And the amazing thing is we ourselves get to teach others what that boundary is. I’ve had to learn the hard way. And I’ve decided to put this one out there, cause I’m ready for this particular change.

What I am truly asking for. It’s only from God. And God is the one to breakthrough for me.

What I have noticed is how that feeling still creeps up, of me feeling yucky. Icky. Dirty. And not good enough. Those negative words just add to that pile. Or maybe the pile is from those negative words. And today while walking from one cleaning room to another, the Lord spoke.

And why do you feel this way.

As much as I wanted to brush it off. He kept asking because I kept feeling like crap. I began thinking of all the failures, and my low position, and all the low positions I’ve been in. And what he reminded me of, is that we are in the world. That Jesus lived in the world. As a servant!!! Rejected!!! and even eventually beaten to death. And that his death and suffering were for me. For me to rise. He went so low so I could rise. His words are all that matter. And boy are they important. Carrying the power to live and break off all those lies. Amen. All my old is gone and washed away with his blood. I am serving the King, and that is it. That is the only way I can survive, and with that same outlook, thrive.

That doesn’t mean things are easy, or even that they get easier. It’s a revelation to go deeper and deeper on. Wait a minute, I already am free.

And if a good part of the world I’ve known has been so willing to throw their unasked negative opinions around. I realize, I need to take some time and contemplate what exactly is it that I am asking. What are we asking!!!

And all else, well they can’t stay here. Dusting the dust off and walking on is a march many unique ones have to learn. May as well turn it into a dance.

What I’ve learned over time, is to forgive. 100% FORGIVE. You can not hold it in and let it have a negative party around your heart mind and soul. This is a dance to be done with the Lord. And certainly relate to Jesus. Oh the many things people said to him and how he responded.

I see his blood. I now see his blood when those words creep up. And He reminds me that He is with me. And to hate back only hurts myself. Unforgiveness is an invitation to the enemy. Forgiveness is only possible with Gods love. And thereby, His love and presence somehow increases. Thank you Jesus I ask to see you more, and how you see it all.

And so I close for now, without much reflection yet on what I am asking. Because this is another dance with the Holy Spirit. But I will let roll out my first thoughts.

I am asking for respect. I am asking for empowerment. I am asking for grace. I am asking for mercy. I am asking for kindness. I am asking for love, peace, and serenity. I am asking for encouragement. I am asking for what is working, and the highlights. And the other stuff, specifically any sorta negative opinion on how I look or how my body looks. Go to God First. He’s the one to hear our pain and all our stuff, and help us truly heal and mend what’s been broken. Ask yourself what is it around me that wants to call down someone else, and go ahead and demolish that. If you feel you shouldn’t say something to someone, then you’re probably right. And this leads me to, we all make mistakes. Oh the many I have made.

Tomorrow is a new day. But let’s celebrate the good things, encourage one another and pray.

That’s what I’m asking for.

I didn’t ask


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