Have you ever met someone homeless. Have you ever been homeless. Do you remember what it felt like…

Recently we were visiting family in Oregon, and discussing who’d be able to stay there to help with our relative, whom just got out of homelessness because of a tramatic fire. For realz. {Days after I wrote this I found out she chose to go back, tears} but my hopes are up and I still pray. God can do anything. I hope she is willing to believe and say yes to Gods plan, and experience a radical love encounter with King Jesus that will forever mark her life.

During our Oregonian spring stay, one of my favorite family members looked at me and said, “well Bethany you’re homeless, you can come help.”

That’s the short story.

I’m technically not. Do I know 100% where I’m gonna live by the end of this month? No. But God does. And I think my heart knows what it wants.

Though still those words sunk in deep. Coloring me deep purple black and blue for a moment beyond time. And guess what…I renounced it.

Not to shame others whom are or have been. I don’t receive it, I can’t receive it. I choose not to recieve it. I have kids. Of course I’ve seen mothers and children walking on skid row. I’ve worked in the homeless shelter. I’ve met so many amazing human beings whom didn’t have a home.

And right now, I am learning to use the power of my words again. Through this blank space I seem to be walking on. For this reason I share. As well as my faith. And all my hope. I have a home. Say it with me if you need to, “I have a home.”

I’m not ignoring the challenges I’ve gone through, and am currently in. I’ve shed enough tears over it. And am not afraid to cry when needed. But, faith is faith. And I have faith. It’s my only hope.

God has our place. Wow, it is beautiful I can feel it. It is safe I know it. It is clean and filled with his presence, and that’s where I want to be. Heaven on earth is our home. By process of elimination we’ve eliminated 3 options. {It’s amazing what photography can do for a home on Zillow, however I wonder if it really helps when it makes the places look way better then in person. In this way, I think it’d be better to use a lense that doesn’t over exaggerate the size, with a deceiving illusion.} I admire my friend who bought a house without seeing it. Although after my experience of seeing these places I believed in enough to drive there!!! I have to admit I was utterly filled with joy for the process of elimination song…by doctor Seuss. But that’s not the point.

However my heart has also eliminated 2 others, although I’m grateful for the options and blessed that we have back up with family. God knows I really with all my heart want to live in our own safe place. Who doesn’t. And “why not me” we were encouraged in BSSM recently to ask God this.

My 8 year old said when she closes her eyes she sees something that looks like an apartment. My twelve year old said she sees a loft, and the cat we were housesitting named Cali. If we got a place right away and either another job or a large financial upgrade, we would consider adopting the cat we housesit, if that were possible—we love her so much!!! And I am dreaming of a LARGE tiny home.

My daughter said when she saw the number 15 it meant we are suppose to help the homeless, and in the car today she reminded me that. She repeated what I said, “it’s time for homelessness to end.”

Truth is, above all, God is my home. And I wouldn’t change that for the world. At the same time, He knows our needs and desires, and I surrender them to him for His will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Seeking First his kingdom above all else.

Often I feel I barely know how to be human. Which perhaps proves that I am human. And therefor I am grateful.

What is success. It’s been redefined over the years for me, after being rejected over many things I wanted, that I tried hard for, but I just didn’t fit. And yet I’ve found myself in a place of housitting a cottage on a lake. I didn’t ask for that. But I’m sure glad God lead us here through a couple of dreams, and I’ll never forget it. While we go through ups and downs as humans, God is here through it all. God is our steadfast. And that matters most.

Success is seeing a smile on my children’s faces, and hearing them laugh. Seeing them cuddle with my parents dog. And listening to my girls negotiate art and games with their friends.

But even though I see it that way, and know with all my heart that that is everything. It still hurts when others words slip through the fan. They cut sharp. I’m practically split in half again, and while I’ve become a tiny black pepper that can roll about anywhere, I just have to admit that it hurts.

God gave me that pepper ball vision, and keeping laser beam focus on him is my only way. Keep on rolling on. Through the windows and through the doors. Until one day, one day, we will have our own home. Beautiful, safe and green. With luscious green trees. I won’t need to cast out demons there. Although I’m thankful for the training God has given me. I’m sure it’s all for some greater purpose.

Laughter, and the presence of Jesus number one. So do your thing, I just hope it all draws you nearer and nearer to His love. Without striving or performing. Simply surrendering. We can do it!!! Lay down like the camel, and let the pressure roll off. Yes and amen. God is our provider. You are gold. I am gold. We humans are more gold than gold itself.

I hope you have a home. And I hope your home is filled with Shalom.

With love,

Bethany

No not homeless

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