What love is not.

Sadly I feel as though I could write a book on that from experience.

And today, I don’t necessarily want to bring this to the table. Much is in process while I balance it out with life, and what love there is to keep.

However it’s been weighing down my heart. And I haven’t been able to hide it lately. I am not doing so good lately, but God is. And that is where I am at.

I am showing up, and doing what I know to do as my part, and coping the rest. Learning how to fully receive love, and learn all about love.

Part of that, is not hiding the pain the splinters created. I saw a picture of them being pulled out of my entire body supernaturally. So I suppose I’m in recovery. Saying yes to Gods overflow of love, and weeding out absolutely all that rubs the wounds the wrong way. More light, more light in Jesus name.

God is love, and first while He pours His presence in me, the undoing is spilling out. Like the bottle of windex I spilled on Monday, and the can of beers I accidentally kicked over at the resort. We are not meant to carry the shame!!! And it’s like, God won’t let me anymore.

Even in the battle field. But how in the battle field. Arrows and arrows all around, Jesus is the center, and there the point can be found.

God is bigger then right, and he’s bigger then left. He’s so incredibly kind enough to meet me in the middle, and stand for me. “In my arms is where to go.”

I’ve written many other notes on how to express this. Maybe the pains different each day.

I feel the love, I know God is here. I can feel His warm water in my eyes. But the years of loves disguises has me at a fuzzy dead end sign. I can’t take it anymore.

So I’ve asked the Father to show me, to surprise me. And while this is only the beginning. I’d like to share what he’s done recently. Because I also found out from one of my pastors that a meaning for the word testimony, is do it again. So if anything, be encouraged, and don’t hold it in. The good, the bad, and the poopy.

Now these gifts have opened my eyes again to His love.

A dream from a friend about ascending for me! A dream for me in outer space where I’d rather be! A single mom friend blessing me with $500!!! My other good friend the very next day blessing me with $250!!!


The Lord sees me I know. Isn’t it amazing how He can be everywhere. He sees you. Pause with Him. What a journey. Let Him do His thing, and show you love in Gods way. He’s showing me, and it’s rocking me to the core.

He’s allowing me to sit with him in all the pain, and blessing me everyday with His grace.

I’m tired of military words that create bigger walls, and God knows it. Although bigger than that, is that His love is bigger. He’s so big He can hold it all.

I’ve been learning more and more about Jesus in school and in his word, and being with him. THANK GOD. One highlighted thing this past week was that women in the Bible weeped at Jesus feet. He loved them unconditionally, he taught them, and he empowered them. This alone is helping me go to His feet more for it all, and the tears have been beautiful.

We are in water. We are in the rain. While the sun has been shining hot, the trees are tall, some slanted, some drenched, and yet somehow they still remain. Carrying one another with Gods light and nourishment, made for the fight.

This song. This song I somehow needed and more. I watched slices of chopped blood slide out of me, with light filling in the cracks. Where our deepest pains are, the brightest light remains. Glory glory “glory to God in the highest. Emanuel. He is with us.”

“I’m letting go”


Thanks for reading. I pray it blesses you or a friend with love, openness, and a closeness to the God of the Universe.

What love is not


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s